What happens behind closed doors isn’t anybody’s business, but what if the door in question is unlocked? How far can someone be expected to go to keep a secret, especially when it could have a detrimental effect on people beyond the secret-keepers?
One woman found herself in the unenviable situation of discovering her married sister’s illicit affair and, since then, her sister has been trying to get her to keep a lid on it. This despite both sisters going through their parent’s divorce after their father cheated on their mom. Now the woman has turned to Reddit to ask for help.
More info: Reddit
Woman’s married sister won’t stop blowing up her phone after she discovered her illicit affair
Image credits: artursafronovvvv (not the actual photo)
Woman can’t believe her sister would do this after they both went through their parent’s divorce when their father cheated
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Sister never really forgave woman for telling their mom about their dad’s affair
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Woman decided to surprise her sister for brunch, but when she got to the house there was a strange truck in the driveway
Image credits: Healthy_External_987
Woman opened the unlocked door and walked in on the butt naked couple, now her sister keeps calling and texting her
Infidelity between married couples usually ends in a trainwreck, nonetheless one Redditor recently turned to the community to reveal the horrible situation she finds herself in and ask for advice.
In her post, OP explains that she and her sister had never been particularly close when they were younger, owing to an age gap and the further complication of their parent’s divorce. Both sisters witnessed their dad cheating, but OP’s older sister wanted to keep it a secret from their mother, something OP refused to do.
OP’s sister never really forgave her for telling their mom, and after the divorce their lives were pretty much turned upside down, with the mother and daughters moving a couple cities away and having to start from square one. This was particularly difficult for OP’s sister, since she had to leave all her friends behind right before her senior year.
Things seemed to mellow with time, with OP’s sister even inviting her to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, something OP was more than keen to do.
OP goes on to describe her BIL as the epitome of a golden retriever boy; very nice and caring, but not the smartest tool in the shed. OP added that he works a 9 to 5, while her sister stays at home during the day.
In OP’s post, she mentions that, a couple months ago, her sister was in a really low place, and told OP that she was bored and unhappy with their relationship. Then suddenly she was as happy as ever and chalked it up to seasonal depression.
OP goes on to say that one day she was in the city where her sister lived for work and decided to drop in on her for a surprise sister’s brunch. When she arrived, she noticed a truck in the driveway, but thought nothing of it, since her sister was having some construction done. When she got to the front door it was unlocked, so she let herself in.
Well, nothing could have prepared OP for what she walked in on: her sister desperately scrambling to cover up and a bewildered, random guy standing butt naked in front of her. OP just turned around and walked out the door, tears streaming down her face. Since then, her sister has been calling and texting her nonstop begging OP to talk to her.
OP concluded that she thought that their dad cheating in their childhood would have taught her sister how infidelity can wreck people’s lives, adding that she can’t support her sister and she’s disgusted by her behavior. She’s since turned to Reddit with an urgent plea for help.
Image credits: rawpixel.com (not the actual photo)
Asking someone to keep a deep and dark secret isn’t just unfair, it can actually harm the secret-keeper. In his article for Scientific American, Michael Slepian writes that it hurts to keep secrets.
Secrecy is associated with lower well-being, worse health, and less satisfying relationships. Research has linked secrecy to increased anxiety, depression, symptoms of poor health, and even the more rapid progression of disease.
Slepian, who is the author of The Secret Life of Secrets, adds that there is a seemingly obvious explanation for these harms: Hiding secrets is hard work. You have to watch what you say. If asked about something related to the secret, you must be careful not to slip up. This could require evasion or even deception. Constant vigilance and concealment can be exhausting.
Slepian goes on to write that new research suggests that the harm of secrets doesn’t really come from the hiding after all. The real problem with keeping a secret is not that you have to hide it, but that you have to live with it, and think about it.
“While the concept of secrecy might evoke an image of two people in conversation, with one person actively concealing from the other, such concealment is actually uncommon.” writes Slepian.
“It is far more common to ruminate on our secrets. It is our tendency to mind-wander to our secrets that seems most harmful to well-being.” he adds.
“Simply thinking about a secret can make us feel inauthentic. Having a secret return to mind, time and time again, can be tiring. When we think of a secret, it can make us feel isolated and alone.”
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Should she tell her BIL, or keep her sister’s secret to herself? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
The internet seemed to agree that, in this case, honesty would be the best policy
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