Few can imagine a relationship without arguments. Ultimately, people can’t agree on everything, and disagreements between couples are completely normal and healthy. Bickering may even be more likely to occur during engagements due to the increased pressure that comes with a wedding.
Unfortunately, for redditor FlowerSedative, disputes with her fiancée about her ‘high’ body count resulted in calling the whole thing off. Afterward, he came back, apologizing, but the damage was already done. Unsure if she could forgive him, she shared her story on the “AITAH” subreddit, asking its members if what she did was wrong.
Scroll below to find the full story and conversation with the original author, who kindly agreed to give more details on the situation.
Few relationship go without quarrels
Image credits: Timur Weber / pexels (not the actual photo)
But this one ended after fiancée started frequent fights about his partner’s “high” body count
Image credits: Fa Barboza / unsplash (not the actual)
Image credits: Dương Nhân / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image source: FlowerSedative
A closer look at the couple’s relationship
Such important life changes as engagement usually come with a lot of stress, contradicting emotions, and confusion that can make a person feel overwhelmed. This pressure may also result in more bickering and fights in a relationship, similar to the engaged couple in the story.
Bored Panda reached out to the original author of the story, who kindly agreed to have a quick chat with us and provide more details on the situation. Firstly, we were curious to know what inspired her to share such an experience with people on Reddit.
“Well, I had a personal account on Reddit since 2019 that I used to read threads and support people who had moral dilemmas or give advice to those who asked for it. And knowing that the Reddit community can be so supportive and that strangers can give you even good legal advice, I made a separate account and unfortunately shared the awful things I have been through. But I am glad I did because the people on here are mostly amazing to me, and they supported my POV.”
From the story, it was evident that their relationship was going well from the beginning. She agreed, sharing that “the guy was amazing to me at the beginning. We met at a historic convention and shared our love for history and our fantasy of a life, really. Even though he wasn’t as ‘experienced’ as I was in terms of sexual partners, he didn’t seem to mind at the beginning; we’ve been through all of our history with past partners, and I was honest with him.”
Something changed after the engagement, and the original poster shared her thoughts on why that could be the case. “But after our engagement, which I admit was somewhat moved too fast, he started acting like he was entitled to me. I don’t know; he charmed me, but then again, he started acting like everything about me bothered him. I used to think that maybe it was the anxiety of the engagement, and I stayed in the relationship trying to fix our problems, but as you know, it wasn’t going as well as I thought it would.”
Psychology professor and therapist Marisa Cohen told “The Knot” that “the engagement period is a time of transition, and while it is romantic to decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, that concept is extremely scary—even if you know you’re making the right decision.”
Such emotional turbulence can lead to “post-engagement anxiety,” which then makes the person feel like their decision is wrong or they aren’t ready to commit to one person for a lifetime. Expert Sara Miller explains that happy, healthy couples will start to see flaws in their partner, for example, a high body count, that they fear will be the doom of their relationship in the future. These could be imperfections that have existed for years, but the pressure of engagement intensifies the worry that they could be deal-breakers.
Learning from past relationships
Unfortunately, a high body count was an actual breaking point that led to the whole engagement being called off. However, posting this story helped the author feel more comforted and confident in her decision.
“Sharing this post on Reddit made me stronger, evaluating the fact that it was abuse and that even if my heart still feels for my ex-fiancé, I should never look back and mend the relationship. The community gave me the strength and comfort I needed, as well as my family, who have been amazing throughout this process of healing.”
We were also curious to know if there was anything she took away from this relationship. She told us, “The first thing I learned from this experience is to never tell anyone your history with past partners because it is personal and it is your individual truth. Anyone can change your story a little bit, and it becomes something that it truly is not. Another thing is setting boundaries with myself and my future partners. Nobody is allowed to treat you like an object, and that comes down to the issue that you are not respecting yourself enough. Of course, I also learned that you should never fall for the fantasy life that someone is presenting to you, especially at the beginning of your relationship.”
She also added, “And this may sound a little bit mean coming from me, but if he offers you a fantasy life but does not have the mature, financial, or emotional values to offer, turn your back and never look back. Finances can be earned, and that is the last thing you need to worry about from the three above. Maturity comes with experience and time, but emotional support and understanding are the keys, along with communication and respect.”
Engagement is the time in a relationship when expectations and anxiety are at an all-time high and can bring up many unaddressed issues and questions. It all comes down to how they are acknowledged and solved. If the couple can work through them, great, but if they have to go their separate ways, like the couple in the story, it’s completely fine to do so as well.
Overall, the author feels thankful for everyone who supported her when she needed it the most and is now trying to heal and work on herself. “If we are talking about my personal growth, I am seeing a therapist working on my singing career and healing, honestly. But I really want to thank all of the people in the community who supported me and gave me the strength to block the toxic people from my past. Thank you so much, Reddit!”
Commenters were on the author’s side, confirming that what she did was right
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