While there are various things that might trigger disagreements between siblings, based on this man’s story, a family name might be one such thing. According to sociologists, surnames tend to root the individual in a kin network, and even though surnaming practices traditionally are governed by patrilineal cultural rules, an individual isn’t legally obligated to follow them. Needless to say, even when holding different opinions than another family member about this specific custom, staying respectful and dealing with them directly might help to preserve a relationship with them.
Contrary to this Redditor’s sister, who chose to express her disagreement with her brother’s new surname by insulting his wife, which naturally only resulted in the man blocking his sister and declining her wedding invitation.
More info: Reddit
A sister’s wedding invitation was only addressed to the man using his old surname and not his wife’s, so he ended up not going
Image credits: Pexels (not the actual photo)
After his wedding, the man took his wife’s surname, because it was easier to pronounce
Image credit: u/fluffyzoomer
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credit: u/fluffyzoomer
Everyone liked the change, except the man’s sister, who called the man’s wife abusive
Image credits: Leeloo Thefirst (not the actual photo)
The sister eventually sent an invitation to her wedding to her brother with no mention of his wife
A man brought his disagreement with his sister, which started after he chose to take his wife’s surname, to the Reddit community online and asked if he was a jerk to decline his sister’s wedding invitation.
The man changed his surname because of practical reasons – his surname was hard to pronounce, while his wife’s was a word. Something along the lines of “Jessica Rabbit” or “Grace Slick”. Even the man’s colleagues thought it was a good idea, commenting it to be “much easier” and “good call”.
However, the man’s sister was furious. She reacted to the news by screaming and calling the man’s wife an “emasculating abusive b****,” threatening to call the man “Mrs.” and not invite the man’s wife to her wedding.
After a few months of silence, the man received the wedding invitation, but it was only addressed to him using his old surname, with no mention of his wife. The man told his sister that they would only attend if she apologized to his wife, and after she didn’t, the man refused to go, disappointing the rest of the family.
The man agreed to attend his sister’s wedding if she apologized to his wife
Image credits: Clem Onojeghuo (not the actual photo)
The man’s sister refused to apologize to his wife, so he declined the wedding invitation
In their article Understanding Tradition: Marital Name Change, three scholars were researching marital surname practices in specific Western countries and raised the question of how the phenomenon of the majority of women choosing to take their husband’s surname after marriage (for example in Britain it was 89% of married women in 2016) as well as those couples who chose differently are to be understood today.
They analyzed the data from Britain and Norway respondents and pointed out the problems of seeing the change in practices only as detraditionalization – the progressive disappearance of tradition, noting that people, when faced with some new situation or problem, tend to adapt what they already know, or what is easily available, to find a certain solution.
However, using tradition doesn’t make it unthinking or uncritical, as certain parts of it can be examined and may be changed or abandoned. Scholars suggest that people use tradition in various ways when adapting to new situations and specific circumstances that emerge. Therefore, they suggest understanding the discussed marital surname practices to be neither purely new nor traditional, but a combination of the two.
Coming back to the original poster’s story, the community judged not the man, but his sister to be a jerk in this situation.
What’s your take on the situation? Have you experienced family conflicts about surnames? Share your thoughts in the comment section.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
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